@LittleLostLad: Kevin Spacey ordering a takeaway coffee from Starbucks and receiving the cup with 'Kevin E' written on the side.
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@loudmouth_usa: TSA Agent (looking at my ID): Is this you? Me: I believe that is ultimately your decision to make sir.
@DadInUtah: 6 year old: Daddy, what if the plane goes down? Me: Don't worry, your mom is with us. She never goes down. 6 year old: What? Me: Want candy?
@gorrdano: Don't ever let anybody outshine you in life. If that means arriving at someone's funeral in a casket, then so be it.
@Sadieisonfire: I put Infinite Warfare on Craigslist and of course I'm getting the geniuses texting me