@hell_homer: kicked out of church. I yelled "YEAH WE "HAVE A MARIA", SHE'S MY AUNT, WHY DO YOU KEEP SAYING IT WEIRD". mustve gotten too close 2 the truth
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@T_Bonezzz_: We decided to name our unborn child something that represents where it was conceived. Only 7 more months until baby Uber is born!
@WilliamAder: Was standing in my front yard this evening and some neighborhood kids tried to deflate me.
@jenlaw_11: "You are what you eat" I whisper to myself as I pour my dead dog's ashes into my cat's food bowl
@TheToddWilliams: [house party] ME: Hey, can I get you a glass of wine?...a beer?...vodka? HER: Do you have anything nonalcoholic? ME: Uh...do you mean like a joint?