@hell_homer: kicked out of church. I yelled "YEAH WE "HAVE A MARIA", SHE'S MY AUNT, WHY DO YOU KEEP SAYING IT WEIRD". mustve gotten too close 2 the truth
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@librarianfonz: There are gravy trains and boats. I wonder what gravy did to get on a no-fly list.
@erikbransteen: The #AshleyMadisonHack is getting out of hand. Site just revealed that I've been cheating on my diet. I'm not even sure how they'd know that
@kcmoore51: 11: You know what would be really ironic? Me: No, what? 11: If someone died in their...living room. The Twitter is strong in this one.