@JessG828: Kid just asked "why is it called 'flipping the bird'? Why not turtle? Flipping the Turtle." I can't even answer that bc WHY NOT TURTLE?!
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@Juicedballs: Congratulations on being hired by Super Cuts & welcome to day 1 training. Let's get started These are called scissors *collective aww*
@Parentpains: If you didn't want me to wash my car on your lawn than you never should have turned your sprinkler on.
@causticbob: The Water Board sent me a notice saying that my bill was a year old, I obviously apologised for forgetting, and sent them a birthday card.
@thequeensheart: "Mom, I promise I won't interrupt your nap." "Thanks honey, could I finish peeing by myself?"