@Home_Halfway: Kidnapping is a dumb crime because you're literally forcing yourself to hang out with someone
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@Iwriteforcats: [Google Search History] 1. Do raccoons like to cuddle? 2. What does rabies smell like? 3. I can't feel my face.
@AphroditeAfter5: Yes Grandma, I'm almost positive Arachnophobia is not the fear of people from Iraq
@iwearaonesie: 9: Have you seen my harmonica? [flashback to me smashing it with a hammer] me: Did you look under your bed?
@placeswewillgo1: CNN needs to reevaluate the use of Breaking News. Perhaps "Latest Speculative News" or "We Really Don't Know Shit" would work. CNN call me.