@Home_Halfway: Kidnapping is a dumb crime because you're literally forcing yourself to hang out with someone
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@Brampersandon_: FARMER: you ok man? ME (from inside a well I fell into 3 days ago): all is well lol FARMER: lol ME: seriously though I think I broke my leg
@robdelaney: Tim Cook announces iPhone charger cord to be long enough to reach a socket, Apple stock price quadruples.
@moose_chocolate: Why does the media always call a stabbing incident a "violent" stabbing incident? Is it possible to stab someone non-violently?