@Home_Halfway: Kidnapping is a dumb crime because you're literally forcing yourself to hang out with someone
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@abhorrent_wife: I would totally get into a stranger's windowless van if they took me away from my family for an hour.
@VeryRudeTweets: I just got kicked out of my local Laser Tag and the police were called. Apparently stabbing somebody to save ammo is not allowed.
@TommyKarate: Local video store is offering a chance to win free iPads, so naturally, I reported them as spam.
@4SLars: Beggin'Strips: Stop pretending dogs don't know it's not bacon. They smell cocaine in a cooch across an airport; I'm sure they know NOT bacon