@Home_Halfway: Kidnapping is a dumb crime because you're literally forcing yourself to hang out with someone
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@TragicAllyHere: [opening the fridge to find no yummy snacks inside] [me to the fridge] you had one job
@JanineEB4: My kids in public are direct payback for every time I shriek'd PLEASE DON'T HIT ME AGAIN at my mom in the middle of a crowded mall as a kid.
@WORIDSTARHIPH0P: "barack please don't leave me with them" "joe you're leaving when I leave" "oh right lmao love u"