@ImLeslieChow: Kidnapping is such a strong word. I prefer the term, "surprise adoption".
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@morganalxander: Hello my name is Morgan and I used to think lingerie was just a fancy way to say laundry
@better_off_dad: *reading note from son: 'Can I borrow your car later?' *response: 'You spelled 'wash' wrong. But yes.'
@myonlymizztake: If your kid texts you questions about the price of replacing any household item, you will be replacing said item.
@david8hughes: [to hot girl at bus stop as bus approaches] "I could easily afford to get on that if I wanted to."