@ImLeslieChow: Kidnapping is such a strong word. I prefer the term, "surprise adoption".
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@bigmacher: #MyRoommateIsWeird she keeps having babies and making me take care of them. She also insists I call her 'Wife'
@hippieswordfish: when life gives you lemons, use their natural acidity to temporarily blind your opponent
@theshamingofjay: [interview for doctor's office receptionist] "Can you schedule appointments and be friendly" Yes. "Sorry we're looking for the opposite"