@ImLeslieChow: Kidnapping is such a strong word. I prefer the term, "surprise adoption".
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@iwearaonesie: i'll never forget what mom said when dad told her he thinks we're growing up too fast "they're in there daring each other to eat dog food"
@murrman5: can you start monday at 8? "yes, thank you for the opportunity" [calls new boss at his home on sunday night] hello? "am or pm?"
@ayyyyloser: Someone just called for cleanup in the dairy aisle but I'm the only one here so I dropped the jug of milk I was holding and ran
@DougBenson: I don't like it when my phone puts a word in "quotals" like I made it up or I'm stupid or something.