@ImLeslieChow: Kidnapping is such a strong word. I prefer the term, "surprise adoption".
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@Rollinintheseat: The circles under my eyes are so dark, Animal Planet is following me around filming a documentary about a raccoon out of its natural habitat
@AudreyPorne: an attractive man on the internet called me pretty, so I sent him my finger nails in the mail. i'm so nervous lol what if he doesn't reply??
@TheKenyan_: Now that 1 in every 3 people cheats in their relationships,I'm left wondering. . .Is it my wife or my girlfriend that's cheating?
@sock_holliday: [Doctor's Office] Doctor: The bad news is you have 3 months to live. Me: What's the good news? Doctor: You should make it til Shark Week