@YearOfRat: I wanna be rich enough to realize that I can't buy happiness.

@RoxyCotton4: “Until Death Do Us Part” was put into marriage vows when the life expectancy was 35.

@BigBagOfScum: And this song would come on and all the white people would start having a group seizure. Me explaining the Harlem shake to my grand kids.

@psybermonkey: Son: Daddy are we poor? Me: *scraping his macaroni art into stove pan* Did your mother tell you that?

@TheAlexNevil: Ran into an ex-girlfriend. We talked, exchanged info, and she said her "insurance would call" me. Someones still carrying a torch!