@JohnLyonTweets: Screw you, targeted Facebook ad for adult diapers! *thinks about not having to pause TV or games* *orders some*

@Rollmaninoz: *Doing the hokey pokey* Snake: guys, this is some bullshit

@jus4golf: I once went out with a girl that said she was flexible like a Slinky. Two flights of stairs later, I decided she wasn't.

@TweetPotato314: I swear to god if my memory was any worse I could *bonk* WHO THREW THAT BOOMERANG?

@stevevsninjas: Boss: Any final questions for our applicant? Sphinx: *eyes blazing like searchlights* Three sons have I and- Boss: WORK-related questions