@LittleHarmonica: Kids are like bears. If you play dead eventually they'll leave you alone.
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@Tommytoughstuff: "DOUG YOU'RE THE NEXT CONTESTANT ON THE PRICE IS RIGHT!" [camera pans to me struggling with Doug for his name tag]
@KtotheK39: I dated a guy so arrogant he walked into a post while looking at his reflection in a store window. I left him. Unconscious on the street.
@jiggynye: My daughter refuses to play with her Ouija Board anymore because every time we play, it spells out CLEAN YOUR ROOM.
@LeviathanPride: Overheard this locker room convo: "The new school janitor is weird. He's always hiding in here when we're showering". I took my mop and left