@SteveSuckington: Kids are like debit cards. I get yelled at when I accidentally leave them at the store.
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@Cpin42: Interviewer: Why did you leave your last job? [flashback to everyone chanting “SHIT PANTS”] Me: It was just time for a change.
@shanethevein: Whenever I leave a fancy restaurant I tell the people coming in "I recommend the squirrel".