@WalkingOutside: Kids are like doughnuts. Sweet and yummy but more than one, maybe two, and you're like, "What the hell have I done?"
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@briangaar: Whenever people are like "We need to restore traditional values to this country" I assume they mean slavery and burning witches at the stake
@GrantTanaka: *sees burglar *throws flashlight at him *misses *throws another *misses *throws another *misses *throws another Burglar: WTF Me: COSTCO
@pauleggleston: I saw a statue of Cinderella today. I didn't like it, but I found the plinth charming.