@1Happytwit: Kids don't scare me cause their little arms aren't strong enough to swing a chainsaw.
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@Tmoney68: A big storm is coming & everyone's buying bread, milk, and eggs. Apparently you battle bad weather with French Toast.
@longwall26: "Whatcha inventing?" "I call it a picnic. It's a meal but outside with bugs and a high risk of bear attack." "Can I bring my kids?" "Sure."
@Reverend_Scott: REALTOR: You'll LOVE this home- ME: My dog doesn't like it. REALTOR: But I- ME: [holding dog in realtor's face] I TRUST HIM MORE THAN YOU