@1Happytwit: Kids don't scare me cause their little arms aren't strong enough to swing a chainsaw.
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@scubavelli: "Oh I'll be your relationship status alright..." -me sleeping outside this Taco Bell
@BourbonLuv: I was drinking at the bar, so I took a bus home. That may not be a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before!
@InternetHippo: “What attracted you to our company?” Well, I heard you pay money in exchange for work