@carlyken: Kids, in my day we didn't have text messaging. We had to write a "Do you like me? Yes or no?" note and pass it through 17 mutual friends.
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@Pundamentalism: Alligators can live up to 100 years, which is why there's an increased chance that they will see you later.
@rachelle_mandik: let us all return to a simpler time, such as when i believed astroturf was farmed in space and brought to earth
@dafloydsta: [on Dating Game] HER: Contestant 1, what are you wearing? [I glance at the stains on my shirt] ME: *lips on mic* Looks like gravy, Diane.
@ninjadinosaur1: The priest said that the demon really wants to leave, but I'm way too clingy, so the exorcism didn't work.