@carlyken: Kids, in my day we didn't have text messaging. We had to write a "Do you like me? Yes or no?" note and pass it through 17 mutual friends.
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@upsidedowntrash: "When are you due?" Insulted, she flashes me a glare and relocates to another seat. My eyes stay fixed on the library book she left behind.
@NotthatAdamWest: Not sure what my dog thinks I do all day, but based on her excitement when I get home she apparently lives in constant fear I'll be murdered
@KimmyMonte: Rejected Disney Movie Titles: 1) Find My Fish Son 2) A Shit Ton Of Spotted Dogs 3) Peter Pot 4) Pretty Lady & Big Foot Face 5) It's Cold
@Jay_FrickinLynn: Jesus: Give them fingernails in case they start itching. God: Alright, but wouldn't it be funny if they couldn't reach their backs?