@Mr_goose007: Kids make friends in 5 seconds, adults make friends in 5 drinks.
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@AZHORSEMOM77: I act really tough for a person who spent $40 on cookies I dont like because a girl scout was crying
@WilliamRodgers: [Bruce Willis on his deathbed] Bruce: Viagra! Dr: Bruce this isn't the time- Bruce: Give me...a Viagra! Dr: Ok *Bruce Dies...Hard*
@Steelers1972: Just hung a picture of Steve Buscemi over my daughters toothbrush to ensure proper brushing.
@koalaslament: put ur hair in a man-bun. now put ur beard in a man-bun too. congratulations ur now a hamburger. be free, hamburger man.