@PawnYourLife: Kids suck. Even God gave up after only having one.
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@dulcetry: I know we haven't talked in awhile but I've been thinking about us a lot and I was wondering if u remembered the name of that burrito place
@Mr_Kapowski: If you encounter another Dad in the wild wearing a #1 Dad shirt, you must fight to the death. Disneyland has never been so fun
@JustaFunEscape: Twitter to me is like the Bermuda triangle. I don't know how I got here and I'm not even sure where "here" is.
@CVTBaby: Him: Can you forgive me? *mental montage of me trying to figure out who this guy is* Me: Yes, but I'm really hurt so please give me time.