@PawnYourLife: Kids suck. Even God gave up after only having one.
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@rob5373: I choked on a carrot earlier and all I could think of is that a donut wouldn't have done that to me.
@causticbob: Really Google Autocomplete? You honestly think I want to search for "hardcore poem"?
@ninjadinosaur1: I am not paying for a full year membership at the Y when I only need the pool long enough to hold one hamster Viking funeral.
@valenty__: Leo: *names his child Oscar* Doctor: "Would you like to hol-" Leo: "Say it like we rehearsed it." Doctor: *sighs* "And the Oscar goes to..."