@iinkedZombie: Kids these days think Christmas is all about getting presents instead of celebrating the birth of Santa Claus.
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@noogscorner: Apple just announced a 20-year plan to develop technology that actually allows grid-like manual organization of Home screen app icons.
@leechee420: Screaming out "BOOM PREGNANT!" during sex is never as funny as you think it will be.
@brennadine: Pavlov's bell, but it's me reading an email that I think says winebar when it's actually webinar.
@ericsshadow: [on a date] HER: any accomplishments? ME: yeah, i'm an award winning [eyes darting around] award winning [sees a dog] dog... liker HER: awww