@iinkedZombie: Kids these days think Christmas is all about getting presents instead of celebrating the birth of Santa Claus.
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@Gre_Gone: [coming through customs] Okay Sir 1 last thing before we're done. Is there anything you'd like to declare? *slams passport* "I've had sex."
@TwinSurvivalist: Let's not buy them two of all the same toys we said. It'll teach them to share, we said. We are idiots.
@DopeyTweeter: Fight Club: Teaches you how imaginary friends can become more popular than you are.
@CommonSavant: Huffington Post says all that passive aggressive behavior can harm your marriage. In other obvious news, water is wet and the sun is hot.