@dumbbeezie: Kids who were good at lying grew up to be meteorologists
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@MichaelTrying: "He is usually nice and fills my dish, but this morning he stepped on my tail and I made an alarmed high pitched noise." -yelp review
@AdderallMomma: I've been contemplating legally changing my name to 'An End', so that all good things must come to me.
@KalvinMacleod: MILEY CYRUS: I never went boatin’ and don’t get how they be floatin’ NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON: [slowly rising from the ocean] buoyancy