@dumbbeezie: Kids who were good at lying grew up to be meteorologists
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@Capt_Spanky: Text to wife: "Would you bring me my " and my phone suggests "girlfriend." My phone is trying to kill me.
@PanicRestroom: Before records were invented, people used to say: u sound like an opera singer that keeps repeating himself
@Shanehasabeard: There's a lady at work named Lillian Llewellyn who carries a briefcase and I like to imagine it falling open and spilling a bunch of L's