@hazelmotes1: Kids, you'll never know the pain of digging the innards of a loved cassette out of a cheap stereo and crying as you wind it up with a pencil
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@GABBYdaAngSaya: Boss: I suspect one of you is dead [Everyone looks at me, except for Paul, who is not moving at all]
@girlontapas: Red light special: that smug look that you give the driver who was speeding and cut you off then ended up beside you at the red light.
@goodballs: If your bf/gf is mad at you put a cape on them and say, "Now you're super mad!" If they laugh marry them.
@richforri: I like Tweets that are so good that when I send them to FB my old friends won't talk to me on the phone for a week.