@hazelmotes1: Kids, you'll never know the pain of digging the innards of a loved cassette out of a cheap stereo and crying as you wind it up with a pencil
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@cowyfwame: I just don't understand why Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell car insurance.
@curlycomedy: At a restaurant I thought a family was praying at the table but then I realized they were all texting.
@cpsemple: Rick Astley is going to die and nobody will know about it for weeks because nobody will want to click the link.
@jwoodham: JOB REQUIREMENTS: Must have a college degree. Must have 5 years experience. Must have volunteered as tribute and won the 74th Hunger Games.