@mkat816: Kik you? Like what? In the face?
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@david8hughes: [at work] "Mornin, Margaret." "Mornin. You're late today." [looks at watch] "Not as late as your dead husband though, am I?"
@1followernodad: guys: women are a mystery. women: Here is what we- guys: LITERALLY WHAT DO THEY WANT? women: well for start- guys: Guess we'll never know!
@goldengateblond: I suck in my stomach when I weigh myself like my scale will be all "oh she's much thinner than I thought, I'll adjust the numbers."