@BillPelicanBros: Me: Mum was I adopted? Mum: Yes, but they gave you back

@ericsshadow: 20 yr old mom: my child is my life I would give my own life for him 40 yr old mom: GET OFF THE INTERNET RIGHT NOW OR I WILL END YOU

@Tmoney68: Having no clue about human anatomy is my Achilles Elbow.

@ComedicBust: [History Channel] Veteran: [terrified] And then he died. Reporter: But what was it like only having to memorize 1 password for everything?

@bridger_w: "I'm sorry, but are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting?" -Fun way to confuse a waiter who just suggested a menu item