@AmishPornStar1: Maybe I misheard him... But I think God just told me to start building a really big goat.

@HenpeckedHal: My son calls them "please cars" because any time I speed past a cop he hears me mutter "please don't pull me over!"

@Juicedballs: If babies named Todd don't call themselves "The Toddler" then what's the point of having a douchebag baby name like Todd?

@OrangeFact: HIM: Show me what that mouth do, girl ;) ME: *eats a fistful of bees*

@DanMentos: me: it smells like updog in here me: what's updog me: not much dog what's up with you lmao me: lol therapist: I see