@ibid78: Kill me once, shame on me. Kill me twice, shaman you.
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@philyuck: The Molotov cocktail is of course named after Vitaly Molotov, an 18th century Russian industrialist who exploded after being thrown at a car
@Ygrene: [Murderer in the middle of murdering me] Can you put your phone down for 2 seconds while I'm murdering you I mean really
@SteveDutzy: *logs on Facebook IT'S YOUR OLD HIGH SCHOOL BULLY'S BIRTHDAY TODAY! *logs off WAIT COME BACK! YOU HAVEN'T HEARD ABOUT YOUR EX'S ENGAGEMENT!
@TheToddWilliams: [robbery] ROBBER: Give me all your money! ME: I don't have it all with me. ROBBER: Dang!