@ibid78: Kill me once, shame on me. Kill me twice, shaman you.
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@SaltyCorpse: My son got a Country Boy sticker for his truck. I wrote "but I live on a golf course and I'm afraid of cows" under it bc I don't like lies.
@ComedicBust: [during a plane crash] Guy sitting next to me: HOLY SHIT WE'RE GOING DOWN Me: [leaning over] You gonna finish those cashews?
@LurkAtHomeMom: You ran a 5k? Like on purpose or do you just have a lot of bees in your neighborhood?
@SocialustGal13: I don't hate you. Hate is such a strong word. I just want to tickle your brain with this ice pick.