@robotmouthfarts: Kill someone with an icecream cone and eat it afterward. They can't convict with no murder weapon. It's the perfect crime. Plus, ice cream.
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@Nahdude83: Give a man a fish & he'll eat for a day. Give a man a jelly fish and you can pee on him.
@badbanana: Bummed about the early Scotland vote results. This was pretty much our best hope for seeing Shrek on a flag.
@CarolinaSong: Not tryin to impress anyone BUT the priest did just say I had the "body of Christ" right before he fed me a cracker. Gym has been paying off
@LilBlueBlood: Whenever I have to park in a bad neighbourhood I leave my Blackberry in plain sight so people know there's nothing worth stealing in my car