@sad_tree: *Killer sneaks into my house to murder me but sees me practicing karate w/ my big stuffed dog I won from the carnival and changes his mind*
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@jonnysun: "the names bond, james bond" [5 min later] STARBUCKS BARISTA: i gota frappe for borbjorbple
@nv7281: If "The Breakfast Club" were filmed today, it would be a silent movie about 5 teens looking at their phones.
@MrsGoose69: Me: Where the hell are you going with those balloons? 4yr: I need to wee! Me: With balloons?! 4yr: Its so much fun to wee with balloons
@mrtimlong: It's called a "Monte Cristo" sandwich because one day it will return disguised as another sandwich & seek its revenge