@aecide: Killing mosquitoes by smashing them in mid-air as they fly by is so satisfying until you accidentally hit a person in the head.
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@see_more13: When I explained Twitter to my mother she said, "Sounds like group therapy where no one's getting better." Well played, Mom. Well played.
@TheCiscoKidder: My 3 year old reported seeing a spider-cricket and I couldn't find it so we're outside watching the house burn.
@NewDadNotes: Boss: you're fired Me: *turns in chair with cat in my lap* I expected this; you found my search history yes? Boss: Linda wants her cat back