@aveuaskew: Killing spiders is easy and fulfilling if you imagine them whispering "You look fat in those pants".
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@Matt_the_1st: Cop: do you know why I pulled u over? Me: yeah, I was going like 120 back there Cop:.... Me:.. Cop: sir, your tailamp is out Me:...
@faizziy: Me: What's your strongest weakness? Candidate: ... *Realises stupid question & thinks of cover up M: It's a trick question. You're hired!
@brynnester: [Driving Lesson] "You've been learning a few weeks now" Me:Yes "Progress has been slow" Me:Yes "Perhaps it's time you sat up front with me?"