@aveuaskew: Killing spiders is easy and fulfilling if you imagine them whispering "You look fat in those pants".
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@Erma_H_Gersh: 9: "Mom, that's a pretty necklace. Can I have it?" Me: "No, I got it as a gift." 9: "Well, can I have it when you die, then?"
@LaLuchaNix: My husband says none of my metaphors make any sense. He is just an empty canoe in the snow.
@JediGigi: If I wear a wizard hat and robe to my cousin's wedding this weekend, I bet no one asks me if I'm next.