@jonnysun: *kills time while waitimg for train*
oh no with time dead the train will never arrive
@christrew: Too many men hate it when I put both of my hands on their shoulder and ask if everything is alright take this guy at the urinal for example
@JustinGuarini: Every day I try to learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.
@birbigs: Quit blaming your iPhone. You meant to say "furbenglurbrn."
@LeBearGirdle: *Paranormal Factivity*
[I walk into my bathroom]
"OH MY GOD"
['WHALES ARE ACTUALLY MAMMALS' is written in blood on the mirror]
@UncleDuke1969: *pulls up pants*
Me: It feels like I've got the world's worst wedgie!
Proctologist: That's normal.
P: Hey... Have you seen my glove?