@kelkulus: Kim Jong Un has upgraded himself from "Leader of North Korea" to "Supreme Leader of North Korea" by adding sour cream and extra cheese.
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@dafloydsta: How to annoy your children: Me: Don't come in here without knocking Child: Ok *leaves* *knocks* M: Who is it? C: It's me! M: Go away
@Michael1979: Please disregard what I said in an earlier tweet. Just learned the ducks in the park are not "free ducks" and you're NOT allowed to take one
@djdarrellripley: Me: (Sigh) There she is. Him: Sounds like you're still carrying a torch for her. Me: Yea, like the villagers carried one for Frankenstein!