@TheThryll: Kind of sad that the most fragile men in the world are required by law to become pro wrestling referees.
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@IrishVin: I love walking down the street smiling to myself. It really freaks people out. Especially if my trousers are round my ankles.
@biscuitahoy: When you look at Twitter's trending topics, it's a lot easier to understand why they have to write "Do Not Eat" on silica gel packets.
@Brianhopecomedy: My 5 year old set up the lemonade stand all by himself and, while I'm proud of him, I doubt he'll make a lot of sales in the backyard.
@Robert_Beau: The boss accused me of taking a drink during lunch, but he is completely mistaken, I paid for all three of them.