@JohnHilsen: Kinda cool how Earth is the largest planet in the whole world.
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@Sean_Burgundy_: [1st date] Waiter: Can I get you a drink ma'am ? Me: Wow really bro right in front of me?
@jake_likes_naps: DATING TIP: PULL THE CHAIR OUT FOR HER. PICK THE CHAIR UP & FOLD IT. HIT HER OVER THE HEAD WITH THE CHAIR. GET THE 3 COUNT. NEW WWE CHAMPION
@0point5twins: Girlfriend left a note on the fridge "this isn't working, you take everything too literally". She'll be so happy when she sees the new one.