@JohnHilsen: Kinda cool how Earth is the largest planet in the whole world.
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@lisaxy424: the mechanic said it would be $800 to fix my brakes and I actually thought "how badly do I need them"
@daemonic3: "Open your gift" A 'non-stick' frying pan? "You don't like it?" Non-stick? [smashes rest of gifts] YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE STICKS BRENDA
@jensrmk: People always ask, would you rather be right or happy? I have always found I'm happiest when I'm right!
@HeyZeus666: My boss thinks being gay is a disease so I called in queer this morning. But I reassured him that I should be straight again by tomorrow.