@JohnHilsen: Kinda cool how they based an entire country off of Mexican food.
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: Coworker: I never would've guessed you're in your 30's. You look so young. Me: I'm old at heart.
@QwertyJones3: Somebody spotted a coyote in my neighborhood a few days ago. But it's cool, cause I just started carrying an anvil around everywhere I go.
@CaniacMONK: My superpower is getting behind the person who is obviously refinancing their mortgage at the ATM.
@Eightinchgoat: Guide to DIY: 1. Double the cost estimate. 2. Double the time it should take. 3. Live with it for 3 months 4. Hire someone to fix it.