@wendchymes: Kinda miss the Jane Austen era where a man is driven mad by a woman's hand being ungloved & yet oblivious to her heaving bosom falling out.
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@Sickayduh: Her: I think you're getting too into those Hobbit movies Me: *stops gluing a beard on the baby* what?
@WilliamAder: Every year on Valentine's Day, I put a smile on my wife's face by taking down the Christmas tree.
@GoldenSpirals: Coworker sneezed, and said "Oh my. I don't know where that came from." I'm no Scientist, but I'm pretty sure it came from her nose.
@carlyken: [lawyer whispers to plaintiff] two can play this game "Your honor. Upsexy." Judge: what's upsexy? "that's harassment. move to change venues"