@81I2: Kiss her in the middle of her sentence
chicks dig when you visit them in jail
@Reverend_Scott: Batman: Use this spotlight to call me.
Robin: What if it's daytime?
Batman: *glares at Robin*
Gordon: Yeah, what if it-
Batman: *smoke bomb*
@NervousJr: my drafts folder is a lot like all of my exes. they totally made sense in my head at the time, but now I cringe when I look at them.
@carlyken: If you ever catch me staring blankly during our conversation it's because I can't remember if it's my turn to say words or yours.
@thatUPSdude: Her: We have rats!
Me: We do?
Her: Look something gnawed thru this package of cookies!
Me: (wipes crumbs from my mouth) I'll buy traps.
@snmrrw: facebook is down where are we gonna keep all of our faces