@VaguelyFunnyDan: Ate shrooms & I feel nothing. Just an awful taste in my mouth. Also the dealer overcharged me. Also he's a centaur with spiders for lips

@FuckabillyRex: I probably wouldn't know what to do with my hands if you were murdering me, but there's a strong possibility I would hug you really tight.

@OneFunnyMummy: I don't homeschool my kids cause the only historic battle I know is the one between Biggie and Tupac.

@KentWGraham: 59 days until Christmas. I better start untangling the lights.

@iAmDelFreaky: I was sad to lose an arm wrestling match to a woman, but I felt better after I found out she was a man. Then sad again because we had sex.