@robfee: The worst part about breaking up right before Halloween is now I have to explain at every party why I'm dressed as half of a horse.

@lisaxy424: Just noticed there's no comma in "Bed Bath & Beyond" and honestly, a bed bath would solve a lot of my problems.

@imskytrash: barista: name for the latte? me: it's Zach with an "h" *two minutes later* barista: i've got a latte for Hach

@IncrediblyRich: Same.

@KevinFarzad: Not to brag but my bank says I have an outstanding balance.