@causticbob: kitchen magnet
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@causticbob: Leonardo Dicaprio has addressed the UN about climate change. Well if anyone should know about the dangers of melting icebergs, it's him!
@BuckyIsotope: *spends 30 minutes trying to unzip my pants to have sex for the first time* *girlfriend sighs* "Just take off the mittens" MY HANDS ARE COLD
@misfarber: [fraud trial] Lawyer: is it true these numbers are all fake? Defendant: no-- they all actually exist Judge: lol owned *high-5s defendant*
@msdanifernandez: [during sex] him: Im so sorry. This literally never happens [takes out telescope to watch comet]