@causticbob: kitchen magnet
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@UncleDuke1969: [reptile house] Zookeeper: Would you like to pet the snake? Wife: Sure! Me: Oh, so it's okay when HE asks?!?
@stephenjmolloy: Me: Do you have this in my size? I'm a medium. Shop assistant: Oh, well you tell me then.
@brunopieroni: "Ok, guys, before you start calling me a pervert, let me just say I found a great source of protein." — The first guy who ever milked a cow.