@Muath_tu: Kiwis are just lemons that forgot to shave.
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@Scarlet_Rose67: My daughter asked me what marriage is like, so I threw out all her Ken dolls, except for the bald drunk one.
@imshitimsorry: lady at table behind me: sometimes babies get gassy. they can't burp so they get mad and cry me, turning around angrily: its not JUST babies
@respected_loner: i hate when the news guys say "our nation's capital". stop jerking us around and tell us what city it is
@simoncholland: My credit card was declined and when I called Visa they asked me to verify that I was a 39 year old man buying a unicorn frappuccino.