@BoogTweets: Knees weak arms are heavy he has osteoporosis already, he's only twenty.
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@Home_Halfway: Telling my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage
@MichaelTrying: "He is usually nice and fills my dish, but this morning he stepped on my tail and I made an alarmed high pitched noise." -yelp review
@cervixsmash: I'm gonna name my firstborn “arial” and people will be like “oh like the mermaid” and i’ll say “no like the font”
@Roweboat13G: Some days you're the Titanic, some days you're the iceberg and some days you're that guy who hit the propeller on the way down.