@causticbob: knights of the ikea table
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@PJTLynch: “Very colorful, fun. I’d put it in my mouth” “A bit scary, seems sharp. Still, I’d put it in my mouth” -Baby reviews of stuff on the floor
@PS_IRuddYou: This girl text me: "your adorable I text back: no YOU'RE adorable Now she likes me and I was just pointing out her typo...
@pixelatedboat: "They call me Mr Six Hours," I told her, trying to make it sound like a sex thing not the amount of time my head was stuck in a beehive for