@fucpk: *knock knock* whos there? sir theres been an accident. theres been an accident who?
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@Brampersandon_: [sees a meathead at the gym flipping a giant tire end over end] ME: Put it on its side and it'll roll, idiot
@davidsirota: Things I learned from media: Sanders has won a bunch of states but must drop out Rubio shows he's a contender by losing nearly everywhere
@ch000ch: [pours a bag of sugar over a tire fire] hmmm [tastes remnants] i think i'll call it... Twizzlers
@KalvinMacleod: [sky diving] INSTRUCTOR: questions before we jump? ME: do u think clams ever choke on their pearls? INSTRUCTOR: *pushes me out of the plane*