@fucpk: *knock knock* whos there? sir theres been an accident. theres been an accident who?
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@danielvisme: I'm not staying up all night to get lucky. If it doesn't happen by midnight, I'm going to bed.
@DanMentos: [job interview] “any public speaking experience?” not since the valedictorian speech in high school “very impressive” I yelled 'YOU SUCK'
@AvgSociaIMedia: Instagram: A girl with her boyfriend of 2 weeks with the caption: "Yeah we've had our ups and downs but what couple hasn't?"
@Elizasoul80: Person I tried to rob describing me to the police: "long hair, wearing pajamas, honestly she didn't seem very committed to it."