@ThisAlexStein: Know your customer. Think like an idiot.
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@treydayway: I get accused of hating white people many times on here. That's not true, some of my favorite shirts are white.
@moooooog35: Me: Hey, am I too wrinkly? Daughter: You're old, that's going to happen. Me: I MEANT MY SHIRT.
@trojansauce: [my fitness dvd] ME: *lifting cans of soup as weights* im using minestrone but you can use pretty much any kind
@EndhooS: I invited Alan over for dinner. "Alan Jacobs? Or Alan who thinks he's Captain America?" *a badly painted bin lid smashes through the window*