@SwedishCanary: Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but it's not necessary to show it off.
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@TheMichaelRock: According to these Father's Day gift sections, all dads are clean shaven business men that love playing golf and think they're #1.
@Bizarro_Mark: Grocery store just charged me $0.10 to offset the environmental impact of my bag and then gave me a paper receipt 3 feet long.
@LoveNLunchmeat: People mock Snapchat, but I spent the first 36 yrs of my life wondering how my friends would look as rainbow alien puppies AND NOW I KNOW.
@SirEviscerate: The 4th little pig built his house into a windmill. The wolf huffed and puffed and generated enough power to last the whole winter.