@SwedishCanary: Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but it's not necessary to show it off.
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@thatdutchperson: [narrating a commercial for therapy] "For a 100 bucks an hour we'll blame your mother."
@owillis: 2007: OBAMA'S COMIN' FER YER GUNS 2008: comin' 2009: almost 2010: any day 2011: seriously 2012: ok now 2013: i think.. 2014: nope 2015: well
@BubblesnBooze: I just found a human tooth and a pair of underwear in my purse. I might be a serial killer or I might be a mom, you'll never know.
@PeaceInTruth1: Dogs have a tendency to bark just to hear themselves bark. Reminds me of some people I know.