@KKAlThani: Kristen Stewart always looks like she just found out she was adopted.
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@DirtMcTurd: I swear if I see one more person enter this WalMart wearing pajamas I am going to take the belt off my bathrobe and choke them with it
@bromanconsul: GIRL NEARBY: I'm breaking up with you, Kevin. You don't talk about Pokemon enough. [I sit up straight and frantically try smoothing my hair]
@JessObsess: I tell people I'm narcoleptic so if I fall asleep when they're talking to me I don't seem rude.