@prontopup: Kristen Stewart is proof that if you're making a face and someone slaps you on the back it will get stuck like that forever.
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@WittySassBasket: I like to finish my pelvic exam by asking the doctor 'hey, where'd your watch go?'
@DomBorrett: Making jokes on Twitter is a lot like making jokes in real life. Except without the frightened faces of strangers on buses
@Marlebean: I don't care if you're 30 or 50, sometimes I'll flirt with you. -"I'm 21." Omg eww, get away from me!
@XplodingUnicorn: *quits Twitter to spend time with family* *remembers what family is like* *quits family for Twitter*