@JennyJohnsonHi5: Kristen Stewart seems like one of those missing milk carton kids who was raised by their kidnapper.
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@msmegmensa: If burglars broke into my apt, they'd look around, shake their heads and leave me some cash with a note that says 'get yourself some shit!'
@KKBowls: I was riding a horse once and its leg broke, so I had to shoot it -- everyone on the carousel freaked out.
@ArfMeasures: ME: I'll put a sexy movie on DATE: Good idea *presses play* D: Shrek? M: omg embarrassing D: Haha M: [fumbling with DVD] Meant to be Shrek 2
@notbedelia: When your wife says she needs a new broom it's best not to ask if she broke the last one in a crash landing.