@JennyJohnsonHi5: Kristen Stewart seems like one of those missing milk carton kids who was raised by their kidnapper.
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@Donna_Gallers: Avoid the horror of watching your children’s nativity this year by using a condom approximately six years before you have to attend.
@LeahTiscione: Don't tell me you're coming to my party on facebook then go for something better last minute ugh have fun at "the wake" or whatever
@paperphotoyo: Being a parent means you have to make gigantic sacrifices like quality sleep and the backs to every remote control in your house.
@kellysdf: According to the NSA, most of my calls are me saying, "I forgot what you told me to pick up at the store."