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@IamEnidColeslaw: Kristen Stewart was raised by a pair of vacuum cleaners
@nerdfaced: Nice guys don't finish last, fat guys do.
@girlontapas: He told me I was too pretty not to smile.
So I flipped him off, tackled him and shoved my middle finger up his nose.
Now I'm smiling.
@Carbosly: "Just spread them open and shove your face in there."
- How to put on glasses.
@david8hughes: [last supper]
"Wine!" exclaims Jesus touching everyone's water glasses. "Wine, wine, wine [arrives at Judas] Mountain Dew lol."
@caliluvgirl77: 1990- I have three-way calling, we can all talk for hours
2015- don't even leave me a voicemail unless you are dying or I won money