@thirdbeat: Kudos to NPH for keeping it brief. #Oscars
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@rickkondell: Things that don't kill bees: 1. Furniture polish 2. Febreeze 3. Butter 4. Screaming
@jakob_huber: Be original. Don't just walk up to a girl in a bar. Pay bouncers to clear a path & cartwheel up to her. If rejected casually cartwheel away.
@Capt_Spanky: Text to wife: "Would you bring me my " and my phone suggests "girlfriend." My phone is trying to kill me.