@thirdbeat: Kudos to NPH for keeping it brief. #Oscars
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@TheOfficialTed: Guys wait for the perfect girl, Playboy's fault. Girls wait for the perfect guy, Disney's fault.
@JohnnyCrash5: [First date & I'm super nervous] Her: Are you ok? Me: yesh. Her: did u just say yesh? Me: um Nosh.
@shanethevein: Wait, there's a big difference. Did you say I look like THE Rock or did you say I look like A rock?
@AndyAsAdjective: *accidentally grabs a fork from the silverware drawer instead of a spoon but I'm too lazy to go back so it takes me 47 min. to eat my soup*