@thirdbeat: Kudos to NPH for keeping it brief. #Oscars
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@River_Niles: We basically broke up with Pluto by saying it wasn't a planet anymore then spent 9yrs obsessing about it & just drove by its house real slow
@Dutch_50: Whenever I see a bruise on a banana my first thought is pity, but then I think it probably deserved it because I slipped on a peel once.
@AimeeHelene1: Geez, I'm so sorry...I'm not normally ticklish. (me to the nail lady I just kicked in the face during my pedicure)