@Scott_A_Gilmore: 'Kyrgyzstan' is what happens when you've already named all the other countries and you have left over letters.
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@SteveSuckington: [wife gets home & sees shit on the rug] What's this? "It was Rover he w.." *dog makes throat slice gesture* "It was me. I shit on the rug"
@Breadery: Social Life Status: My friends are balloons with faces drawn on them. Stuart. My best friend. Popped two days ago.
@MrJeremyHorn: So apparently I've been Googling 'Asian Prom' this whole time. I watched like seven videos before I realized they weren't going to bang.
@WheelTod: Money was so tight last Xmas I had to sell a kidney for gifts. And this year it's getting so bad, I may even have to sell one of my own.