@fro_vo: ladies and gentlemen this is your captain speaking, please fasten your seatbelts i wanna try something
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@KalvinMacleod: WIFE: What did you just do? CAT: *bolts for no apparent reason* ME: *bolts in the opposite direction in case she’s after both of us*
@madeleinesweet: *on the subway* CUTE GUY: [mouths “hi”] PRETTY GIRL: [mouths “hi” back] ME, IN BETWEEN THEM: [exaggeratedly mouths "YOU GUYS LIKE HOTDOGS"]
@mstluvstrinkets: Is it against the law for postal workers to smile or was it my audacity to mail something?
@ItsAndyRyan: Murderer: Which of the three of you to kill – it's quite the dilemma Me: Technically that's a trilemma Murderer: OK now it's easy