@yayraptor: ladies and gentlemen this is your captain speaking please keep your seatbelt on as we--OH MY GOD [plane flies into a giant baby mouth]
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@ericsshadow: It's funny how Gina who cheated on me in 9th grade because I was "too much of a prude" is now a Catholic school teacher.
@rickolantern: Me: I found this in the fridge with your name on it. Are you gonna eat it? CW: That's my stapler Me: You didn't answer my question
@wendchymes: Apparently you can't just drop your ex off at the morgue just cause they are dead to you.