@yayraptor: ladies and gentlemen this is your captain speaking please keep your seatbelt on as we--OH MY GOD [plane flies into a giant baby mouth]
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@Beatonm5: what sorcery is this, the iron wasnt workin, so I took it apart put it together again got left with extra parts and screws but its working??
@CaptainJerkwad: "Where does it hurt?" the doctor asked. "Right Ear" replied the Englishman, pointing to his broken ankle.
@Reverend_Scott: Carl: "It's chilly out." Me: "Tell me something I don't know." "Two dogs were hanged during the Salem witch trials." "Fair enough, Carl."
@briangaar: I blow-dried my hair, now it looks like the mane of a majestic lion who is really good at video games