@FBSisnothere: "Ladies, calm down. Girlfriend, wife, whatever. The important thing is that between the 2 of you, you brought enough to post my bail"
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@Dahmerscookpot: Things that don't kill bees 1. Furniture polish 2. Febreeze 3. Butter 4. Screaming
@perlapell: Hey Young Girls, when a first date suggests you two go to "your place", take him to Target.
@goldengateblond: Don't ask me for childcare advice unless you want nuggets of wisdom like "always punch holes in the box so they can breathe."