@FBSisnothere: "Ladies, calm down. Girlfriend, wife, whatever. The important thing is that between the 2 of you, you brought enough to post my bail"
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@TrolleyCat: I'm not helping to save the environment until bears let me ride them around like cars. It's a group effort, bears.
@thatcarlygirl: New exercise regimen: I can only sit down when my toddler does. So far I've lost 17,000 pounds.
@AudreyPorne: "Are you on Facebook?" "No, but I'm on.. (don't say twitter, don't say twitter) ..Mescaline" (Nailed it)
@alfageeek: 9: My room is clean. Me: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.