@FBSisnothere: "Ladies, calm down. Girlfriend, wife, whatever. The important thing is that between the 2 of you, you brought enough to post my bail"
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@RegularFred: Man dies after body rejects sleeveless Metallica shirt because he didn't have a barbed wire tattoo.
@Cheeseboy22: My son just told me he's changing his clock to military time so he can stay up later. He is not a smart boy.
@tuckerflodman: To Do List While in Jail 1. Ask someone for an Eskimo kiss and when they shake their head no say,"Hey why'd you start without me?" 2. 3.
@badbanana: There's no sticker warning me not to eat this box of nails so I guess I'll just go for it.