@Robski_Boy: Ladies. Even the most mundane chore is better in a Princess Leia costume.
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@StellaGMaddox: My minivan is always rocking, but it's usually because I'm trying to smack one of the kids in the backseat while I drive.
@UncleDuke1969: Me: WOW. Look at those legs! Her: Thank you. M: They'd look great around my neck! H: Hey! M: Wish I'd brought my saw. H: WHAT?!? M: Nothing.
@JumbledButts: Prison Guard: "So you two cons are in love?" Con1: "Yes." Con2: "It's like we finish each other's..." *in unison* "death sentences."
@Sassafrantz: When people stay in a horrific relationship instead of breaking up, I assume they killed someone together.