@Robski_Boy: Ladies. Even the most mundane chore is better in a Princess Leia costume.
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@CulturedRuffian: I rarely eat kale chips, but when I do-I eat them condescendingly and self-righteously.
@WaluigiLover: My aunt is trying to convince me that I'm gonna have kids. I named my kittens lunchbox and cocaine Steve. No one is gonna let me have a kid.
@david8hughes: [at the pet store] Me: I'd like a baby lizard please [later at home] Me: isn't he cute? Wife [heavily pregnant]: I said a baby monitor