@Fred_Delicious: Ladies & gentlemen, this is your pilot speaking. If you look thru the left hand windows right now you'll see me doing the worm on the runway
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@beefman138: Guy on plane : So, where are you going to? Me : I'm guessing it's the same place you're going.
@GrantTanaka: I've been in Hawaii for a week & have learned that 99% of life's problems can be solved by throwing a coconut at it
@VeganZebra: WIFE: no no no I loved your vows I just thought you could've used the word 'bloodthirsty' a little less
@TheTweetOfGod: Sometimes sorry seems to be the hardest word, but usually it's antidisestablishmentarianism.