@Fred_Delicious: Ladies & gentlemen, this is your pilot speaking. If you look thru the left hand windows right now you'll see me doing the worm on the runway
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@PuncherJetpack: "Hey bro shotgun this beer" No I don't drink "You wanna be cool don't you?" I don't drink "C'mon NERD!" Grandma PLEASE stop
@envydatropic: Why? How I answer every text when my friends with little kids ask me what I'm doing tonight Related - I never babysit
@KKAlThani: Somewhere right now, a girl just uploaded a picture of a place she went to in the past with a caption that says "take me back </3"
@noog: The year is 2200. All fossil fuels are depleted. Our only source for coal is Santa Claus. Everyone must be naughty for the sake of mankind.