@thedailymarker: Ladies, if all he does is make you cry then maybe you're dating an onion and not a man.
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@InternetHippo: BEN CARSON’S WIFE: Are you coming home for dinner BEN CARSON: Go to ben carson dot com and read my plan to come home for dinner
@DranoRaul: I learned two important lessons today. I can't remember the first lesson, but the second one is I have to start writing things down.
@trojansauce: [me as a poltergeist] *putting forks in the spoon section of the cutlery drawer* ooooOooOooooo
@ticknada: Everyone is an atheist until you zip your fly up too quick Then its all Lord Jesus please help