@Tmoney68: Ladies, if he tells you he's 6 feet & 4 inches, be sure those aren't two separate measurements.
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@abhorrent_wife: I'm at my sexiest when I find the grown out patch of hair on the outside of my ankle I missed with the razor the last 17 times I shaved.
@joe_binkley: (Cargo pants filled with tater tots) "How many do I need to get an Xbox?" "Sir, that's not how Toys for Tots works." "FALSE ADVERTISING!"
@amazymay72x: Once again, overheard my 13yo tell someone that I was born in the 1900s. Now I want to hide under the covers and stab all her teddy bears.
@iGreenMonk: Whenever my wife sing, i open up my room windows so the neighbors don't think I'm beating her.